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Never Change: Sooner Than Later

Posted 09-01-2009 at 11:40 PM by W.West

So...with the advice of her friends, and probably some snitching from my friends, my girlfriend has broken up with me...for the last time it seems.

Did I deserve it? Probably. I was unfaithful and while it wasn't recent, the act alone is definitely a good reason for her to breakup with me. Still, I'm here alone now with no one special to chat with from 6pm to 2am. No one as special to call while on lunch break. No one special at all.

What makes matters worse is that this was my 2nd chance. I was forgiven a first time, and now I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to give me any more chances to break her heart. So this is without her. And while I know I deserve it, there's this part of me that won't stop pressing the #3 button on my cell phone that redials her. What the hell would I say if she picked up? There is a huge part of me that doesn't want her to pick up, because I know that to hear even a sniffle will hurt me like no one has before.

So as I sit here staring at my laptop, holding my phone, loudly playing the saddest songs in my library that make TOO MUCH SENSE right now, I strain to not call. I strain to keep the tears from running down my usually proud face, and I strain to think of a day that I'll actually change. We fell in love with each other. Flaws and All. I hope she never changes, and if she loved me before today then I hope I NEVER CHANGE, because I'm too stuck in my ways.

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  1. Old Comment
    Fearless's Avatar
    ...Well, Hell if I know anything about relationships, West, but, if you really DO feel that way, then maybe that's all the more reason to try and win her back. Hell, people have gotten back together over MUCH worse circumstances.
    Posted 09-03-2009 at 01:13 AM by Fearless Fearless is offline
  2. Old Comment
    Maverick_GL's Avatar
    I advise you to take this time and spend it on yourself. Being single is not a bad thing, and is often the only time one can ever truly find "who they are" as a singular person. Being in a relationship is both good and bad, and while humans need companionship, I believe we also need a certain level of independence and freedom. Things are rough right now, as they should be, it shows you care. It is also a time for you to learn from your mistakes and ensure that you do not repeat them in the future. But most importantly, this is a time for you to become at peace with yourself, and realize that you can be your own support system and best friend. Sounds odd, I know, but think about this:

    There is only one person in this world that will be with you from the moment you are born, until the moment you die. One person that is privileged to know all the thoughts and feelings you ever experience. One person that knows you better than anyone else ever can. One person that is always there for you, no matter what happens. One person that can hold you and tell you they love you, whenever you need it and in whatever circumstance you find yourself in. This person will never abandon you, condemn you or betray you. They can pick you up when you need it, if only you give them the chance. This person is the only person in the world that can do these things for you.

    No one special at all.
    Yes, you have someone special, the most special person in your life. That person is you. Make friends with yourself, love yourself, and never, ever forget that you are always there for you.

    Another note is taken from certain Buddhist traditions, which encourage people to fully embrace their emotions. If you are sad, BE SAD. Cry, wail, scream, allow the sadness to completely envelope all that you are. Become sadness. Feel sadness for everything it is. Know sadness as intimately as one can. But then, upon knowing it, step away from the sadness and away from yourself, and think "I know sadness now, I no longer need to allow it to control me." Emotions are meant to be felt, all serve their purpose, but we must realize we have the power to overcome them. It is both the gift and curse of humanity, but it is what makes us human.

    Time heals all wounds.
    Posted 09-10-2009 at 11:10 PM by Maverick_GL Maverick_GL is offline
  3. Old Comment
    W.West's Avatar
    Very useful words from the both of you.

    Apparently I am destined to be a loving whore. I fall for someone quickly and soon as things get serious I mess up. Such is life, i guess.
    Posted 09-10-2009 at 11:23 PM by W.West W.West is offline
  4. Old Comment
    Fearless's Avatar
    You're a Casanova, huh?
    Posted 09-12-2009 at 04:12 PM by Fearless Fearless is offline
  5. Old Comment
    W.West's Avatar
    Nah. If I'm single and I spend the day with a friend, I'll probably go home and think that we should be together. lol
    Posted 09-12-2009 at 04:55 PM by W.West W.West is offline

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