Best Green Lantern Story Ever

[W.West Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close W.West]

Simple game. Four rules:


1. Don't be an a$$hole.
2. No double posting.
3. Keep the story going. Can be as funny or as dark as you'd like. Doesn't even have to be anything significant added with each post.

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Green Lantern Hal Jordan awoke outside on a strange planet surrounded by rubble. Brushing the dirt off his shoulder he looked to the purple sky above and saw...

[Big Daddy Dave Skywalker Moisture Farmer Find all posts View Profile Close Big Daddy Dave Skywalker]

...the armada in formation, thousands strong, blotting out both suns. How long had he been unconcious? Long enough that his ring was nearly exausted; a quick scan showed 4% left in the tank, and his power battery out of reach.

"Son of a bitch", Hal mumbled to himself...

[Big Blue Lantern Corps Honor Guard Find all posts View Profile Close Big Blue Lantern]

He gathered his focus and made a protective dome around himself that he knew might evaporate in the coming minutes. The remnants of the purple ray pelted his construct. It was no longer just the type of restorative energy that Diana had described, but corrupted globs that sizzled and gnawed greedily at his defenses. With the armada advancing and his charge dipping to 3%, he spoke quickly into the ring's translator.

"John, what's your position?"

[Booster Beetle Will break before he bends Find all posts View Profile Close Booster Beetle]

Before John could answer, an emerald baseball bat the size of a skyscraper came crashing down on the head of the armada. Then a voice came through the translator that Hal Jordan hadn’t heard in a long time. “JEEZUS Jordan why do I always have to save your ass? Now get up and charge your ring! We don’t have time to twiddle our thumbs, those Dominator SOBs got our President and we need to save him NOW!”

[Big Daddy Dave Skywalker Moisture Farmer Find all posts View Profile Close Big Daddy Dave Skywalker]

Hal had never been SO happy to hear Guy's voice in his life. All those times they had been at each other's throats and now there was almost nobody Hal would rather have watching his back. "I'm on my way", Hal responded, wondering how the hell ANY plan to rescue the President all the way out here was going to work; knowing he was going to make it up on the fly unless John had already put something together.

Then without warning, Simon's gloved hand fell to the ground feet away from where Hal was, severed at the armpit, in a manner so surreal Hal couldn't believe his eyes. Silently, Simon's ring flew away in search of a new bearer and Hal knew the answer...

[Big Blue Lantern Corps Honor Guard Find all posts View Profile Close Big Blue Lantern]

Facing the Dominion would have been serious enough, but as he beheld Simon's ring, Hal knew someone else was pulling the strings. A door on the mother ship of the armada, snapped open and Dominators poured out like a swarm of angry bees. In their midst, clad in some type of purple armor that Hal had never seen, was a grinning, confident Mongul.

"You have a decision to make, Lanterns," Mongul sneered as he held out an unconscious Jessica Cruz. "Do your duty to your President or save one of your own."

[Big Daddy Dave Skywalker Moisture Farmer Find all posts View Profile Close Big Daddy Dave Skywalker]

Hal scanned his ring for the President's location. He was in a holding cell on the other end of the ship Mongul had jumped out of with Jessica. Without hesitation, Hal sliced through the wall near the leader, making quick work of the Dominator's soldiers who were guarding him. Cutting his shackles, Hal told the President, "We're getting you out of here sir!".

Suddenly, in an almost cruel response, Hal heard a thud-thud-thud sound, turned and saw to his horror, Jessica's severed head rolling to his feet, her eyes rolled back in a hideous gesture of fear on her face.

[Trey Strain Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Trey Strain]

And then Kyle came of age.

"What in the hell?" Guy said. "Didn't you come of age about twenty times when Ron Marz was writing you?"

[Booster Beetle Will break before he bends Find all posts View Profile Close Booster Beetle]

Just as Hal was starting to mourn his fellow lantern he saw something out of the corner of his eye that he could not believe. It was Jessica Cruz! She must have created a construct that fooled Mongul because she’s too cool to job like the construct did!

“It’s over Mongul! We’re taking Bernie back to Earth!” Then a Giant reptilian first straight out of Pokemon sent Mongul flying across the planet!

[Big Daddy Dave Skywalker Moisture Farmer Find all posts View Profile Close Big Daddy Dave Skywalker]

Mongul dodged the pokemon construct with inches to spare, and threw a large chunk of debris at Hal and Jessica, knocking them down. "Now you will feel the might of Mongul...Junior!".

Suddenly, a click-clack sound from behind Mongul, to which he turned and saw President Bernie Sanders, bearing his new Vuldarian herritage tech by turning both of his forearms into giant shotgun-bazookas. "Not on MY watch! Time to feel the Bern!". Then the President let loose a hellfire on Mongul, the likes of which, frankly, the world has never seen...

[Evergreen City Corps Den Mother Find all posts View Profile Close Evergreen City]

Hal's ring flashed ominously. He knew he was almost out of time and charge. Jessica could handle the battle with Mongul from this point on; it was only cleanup. President Sanders was safe, and taking care of himself. One percent. That would have to be enough.

He set out at near-light speed, following the course that the wielder-less ring of the late Simon Baz would have taken on its way back to the arsenal. If he could catch that ring, all would be well. If not, he only had moments to live anyway. He had the will...but did he have the time?

"Ring," he ordered, "silent mode off. Give me a countdown to power expiration, Earth time reference."

<<Thirty seconds>> the ring telepathed.

In the distance, outlined by the stars, he could see a faint glinting of emerald green.

[W.West Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close W.West]

That faint glint became a bursting beam as a Green Lantern ring whizzed by Hal's head.

"It can't be that easy, can it?" he said as he dashed after the flying object. Before Hal could make a construct of his brother's old catcher's mit to grab that ring, it stopped. The ring was now sliding down ever so slightly.

With a flicker, like an old basement light with terrible wiring, an image appeared in front of Hal. But it wasn't just an image, this was real.

Hal Jordan was finally face to face with...

[Big Daddy Dave Skywalker Moisture Farmer Find all posts View Profile Close Big Daddy Dave Skywalker]

Joe Namath.

Namath was wearing a cape, his #12 NY Jets jersey, green shorts, and...power generating pantyhose.

"My name is Joe Namath, and I'm from the year 1974. I've been sent here to YOUR time to get your help. We need you to come BACK with me to the year 1974...or the Earth is DOOMED!"

[Evergreen City Corps Den Mother Find all posts View Profile Close Evergreen City]

1974. Not a year Jordan ever wanted to go back to. Life had been dark then. No home. No job. No Carol. No stories. He had been wandering the stars, policing his sector. Yet that was an advantage. He had no clue what Earth politics had encompassed. He thought about the law of time compression that, as a hero, he was bound to. He thought about ancient history. Well, ancient to him. Things like Vietnam, and Watergate, and nuclear confrontation. What was so significant that Broadway Joe had to seek his help? Only one way to find out.

"Why?" he asked.

Namath stroked his power pantyhose seductively, and smiled that wicked smile. "It's a long story. I'm being..."