THE JOKE THREAD!

[Michael Heide Heide Finition Find all posts View Profile Close Michael Heide]

1. That should be a Japanese construction worker, not a Chinese. And I guess the other one should be Mexican, not Spanish.

2. The title of this thread should just be "jokes". Several great jokes on this page were not about blondes, and most of them were better than the blonde jokes.

3. What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Highlight to reveal answer: Spot.

[Abin Surly or ewe sirius Find all posts View Profile Close Abin Surly]

Brunette: The food here at this restaurant is so terrible.
Blonde: Yes...and such small portions.

[Power Ring Torch Bearer Find all posts View Profile Close Power Ring]

1. That should be a Japanese construction worker, not a Chinese. And I guess the other one should be Mexican, not Spanish.

2. The title of this thread should just be "jokes". Several great jokes on this page were not about blondes, and most of them were better than the blonde jokes.

3. What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Highlight to reveal answer: Spot.

2. Yeah, I know, but I only though of that afterwards, and decided to just add different jokes instead of new threads, seemed a waste. *shrug* Besides, I figured I'd get "yelled at" eventually for an overload of blonde jokes.

[Fearless Agent Orange Find all posts View Profile Close Fearless]

I think we already HAVE a joke thread...

[MatCauthon Kilowog's Recruit Find all posts View Profile Close MatCauthon]

We do?

[Fearless Agent Orange Find all posts View Profile Close Fearless]

http://www.thegreenlanterncorps.com/...ead.php?t=6359

[Guest Close Lishego]

funny joke

So my buddy calls me today and says...What you call a guy who goes down on Posion Ivy?




A weed eater! lol too funny

[Kuhan Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close Kuhan]

4 threads merged.

[Mrt1000son Dark Lord of the Sith Find all posts View Profile Close Mrt1000son]

FIFA blames Panorama for 2018 World Cup bid failure.

FIFA says: "England crossed the line."

Ohhh, you noticed this time did you?



FIFA committee = Love money

Russia - Massive oil reserves

Qatar - Massive gas reserves

England - Nectar points



Personally, I think Qatar is a great place to hold the 2022 FIFA World Cup. I mean, the alcohol there is supposed to be great. My friend told me "One drink in public and you'll be stoned!"

I can't wait.

[Caleb Lancaster The Time Traveler Find all posts View Profile Close Caleb Lancaster]

...

I'm sorry.

[W.West Moderator Find all posts View Profile Close W.West]

...

I'm sorry.

I don't think its a ban-able offense, but its definitely not in the least bit funny. Its insulting, and you knew that. Let's think before we post, shall we?

[Michael Heide Heide Finition Find all posts View Profile Close Michael Heide]

A blind man and his equally blind wife decide to go for a walk. It's a pretty cold day, and the weather forecast predicts some kind of precipitation, but the temperature will determine whether it's rain or snow. Sure enough, while the man and his wife are walking, it starts... precipitating. But neither of them is sure what.
"I think it's raining," said the man's wife.
"I think it's snowing," said the man. "It's too cold to rain."
They bicker about this until they hear someone hail them: "Hello!" The man turns to his wife and says, "Oh! It's Olph the Communist! He'll know which it is."
The man calls out: "Comrade Olph! Is it raining or snowing?"
"Raining, you idiots!" Olph calls back, unpleasently.
"See, I told you," the blind woman said.
Grumpily, the man replied, "I still think it's too cold. It must be snowing."
At that, the woman shook her head, and said...
"Rude Olph the Red knows rain, dear."

A mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and a computer programmer were each asked to "prove" that all odd numbers are prime.
The mathematician says, "Three's a prime, five's a prime, and seven's a prime. Therefore, by induction, all odd numbers are prime."
The physicist says, "Three's a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine... well, we'll just throw that one out as experimental error, eleven's a prime, and thirteen's a prime. Therefore, empirical evidence suggests that all odd numbers are prime."
The engineer says, "Well, three's a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime, eleven's a prime, thirteen's a prime, fifteen's a prime..." He goes on for a while until the other three shut him up.
Finally, the computer programmer says:

* Three's a prime.
* Five's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* Seven's a prime.
* ...

A biologist, a physicist, and a mathematician are sitting on a bench looking at the house across the street. They see two people walk into it, and, some time later, see three people walk out.
The biologist says, "They must have reproduced while they were inside."
The physicist says, "No, our initial observation must have been in error."
Finally, the mathematician says, "If one more person goes inside, then the house will be empty."

Two atoms are walking down the street. One says "Wait, stop! I dropped an electron!"
The other says "Are you sure?"
"Yeah, I'm positive!"


The square root of negative one walks into a bar. He meets this lovely woman and asks the bartender to order a drink for her. He starts talking to her and really finds her to be quite an 'interesting' person. When he asks her if she wants to come to his apartment, what does she say? "With you? Get real."

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks the bartender how much it'll be. The bartender replies: "For you? No charge!"

A guy walks into a bar. He's got a carrot in one ear, a stick of celery in the other ear and a hot dog up his nose. He sits down at the bar and says, "Man, I ain't feelin' so hot." The bartender says, "Well, I know what your problem is. You ain't eatin' right!"

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "Hey, there's a drink named after you." The grasshopper replies, "Really? There's a drink named Steve?"

A string walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Hey, we don't serve strings in here!" So he goes back out, loops his neck into itself, musses up his hair and goes back in. The bartender says, "Hey, aren't you that string I just kicked out of here?" The string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot!"

A rabbi, a Boy Scout, and the President of the United States all walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "What is this, some kind of joke?"

A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, "I think someone committed a typo".

Shakespeare walked into a pub. The bartender said, "You can't come in here. You're Bard!"

So this dyslexic guy walks into a bra....

Did you hear about the deaf guy? Neither did he.

A speaker at the Blond Convention set out to prove that the Dumb Blonde trope is a myth, so he picks out a pretty young thing from the audience. He says, "Ma'am, can you tell me what 212 x 4 is?"
She thinks about it for a minute, and says, "500?"
The crowd says "Give her another chance!"
So he asks her, "What is 6 x 7?" and again she thinks about it before answering, "45?"
The crowd says "Give her another chance!"
"One more, time, then: what is 2 + 2?" She thinks carefully before hesitantly replying, "4?"
The crowd says "Give her another chance!"

Highlight this post to reveal the following answers:

What goes "clip-clop clip-clop bang clip-clop clip-clop"?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
How do you kill a blue elephant?
With a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a green elephant?
Hold its nose until it turns blue and shoot it with the blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a pink elephant?
Paint it green, hold it's nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with the blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a yellow elephant?
Tickle it pink, paint it green, hold it's nose until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun.
How do you kill a purple elephant?
Don't be silly. There are no purple elephants!

How does every racist joke begin?
You look to the left, you look to the right, you look behind you, and then you lean in closely and whisper, "Hey, do you want to hear a joke?"
How do you call an African-American who just graduated med school?
A doctor, you racist!
How many narcissists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only one. He just holds it in place while the whole world revolves around him.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A fish.
How many Siths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
None. Because they prefer the Dark Side.
Only one, but he needs to be careful, or this could get weird.
How many time travelers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many standardized tests does it take to screw in a light bulb?
B
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. No, two. No, four. No, eight...
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Its some obscure number, you've probably never heard of it.
How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Hey, let's watch First Flight!
How many Resident Evil characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One, but they'll have to make the bulb by hand from eight different parts.
How many Dragon Ball Z characters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. But it takes ten episodes, two level ups, Piccolo and all the other characters dying and getting revived, and someone getting pecks the size of tires to do it.
How many Pokemon characters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
I don't know, the number changes every year.
How many NPCs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many NPCs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many NPCs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many NPCs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many NPCs does it take to screw in a light bulb?
How many NPCs does it take to screw in a light bulb?

How many rabbits does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but they can't both fit in a lightbulb.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken's day off.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because chickens didn't exist yet.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Because he had no guts.
Why did the duck cross the road?
To prove he's no chicken.
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the other ... oh ... wait ...
Why did the crossover writer cross the road?
To change a light bulb in a bar.