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  • Need Advice

    Hi guys. Some of you might remember me talking about this girl in my maths class who I liked a while back? Well now for the last two months or so (can't believe it's been that long) I've finished school permanently. I haven't seen her since of course and even on the last half term (which for me was 2 weeks long) I didn't talk to her at all as she was in none of my maths or art classes. I saw her twice though, both of which I knew could be the last time I ever saw her. One was outside after my first maths exam, I was with a group of mates talking about the exam and she was with her boyfriend nearby but we didn't talk, and the other was on the very last day ever when we all had to do a year group photo and I saw the back of her for a few seconds, realising it would be the last time I ever saw her and I was thankful to see her again. By the last fortnight I thought my crush was ending anyway, probably triggered by the fact I hadn't spoken to her for a long time. Plus there were other girls I liked the look of. But lately I've been dreaming about her a lot. Firstly she was just in my dreams, almost like a weird warped day at school or something. But then for the last few nights, I keep dreaming that she's dead and shouting/crying angrily to another girl about it. It happened last night (although probably this morning actually, I have many lie-ins), and a couple of nights before, but it's probably happened more. This September, I'm going to a new college to do Art and Design, but my old school was also a college and I could have stayed on there, but I decided not to as the school/college was going downhill fast due to the new headmistress and one of the favourite teachers was leaving, plus the courses weren't quite right. But lately I've been doubting a tiny bit about this new place, but I felt a certain amount of "loss" to a degree previous time I've moved year groups and such (only in my latest school though) so I've decided that it'll be the same here plus the course seems like it'll be a good bit of fun and I'll probably meet a couple of new bros, plus some old mates are coming here too (ironically including my crushes boyfriend). I looked up death dreams this morning and I came to the conclusion the death of my crush (which I never see or know how she died, I just know she died and I proclaim "I loved her" angrily) and these death dreams mean sometimes that the death represents the death of an old way of life which is certainly true. What else exaggerates this is that I also keep dreaming about schools, sometimes my latest one, often my middle school (which I hated but for some reason I seem to keep thinking about it in my dreams) and last night even my primary school. So I'm probably mourning the loss of my old life and will be entering a new life. The thing that I miss really is all the mates and laughs I've had over the years. There were two years in my middle school which were a living hell and have no sentimental attachment at all to, but my past three years in upper school looking back on it were alright and pretty much every day there was something to laugh about (sure there were shit times but not as many as the other schools). But what is clear that I am missing the most is my crush. I wasn't and still not entirely sure whether I was in love with her or obsessed with her IE being in love with the idea of being in love with her. But either way there's something I am in love with which I will never see again. I never even told her how I feel about her, I knew that if I was ever going to it'd probably be on the last week or two at school, the weeks which she was never in any of my classes.

    But anyway, I'm not at all sure how to recover from this, I can't stop thinking about her again, and it's stupid because I haven't seen her in about ten to twelve weeks, I'll probably never see her again. Mad isn't it? I really don't know what to do, how do I get over this? My life right now is empty because I don't really socialise or anything, I just stay at home on the laptop. So there' not really anything to take my mind of the darker things in my life. My dreams used to be my sanctuary from real life but now they're becoming worse than real life. I can't stop feeling how I do about her, I thought I stopped a while back but now she's n my mind all the time, or at least on my mind permanently when I'm asleep. Please guys, do you have any advice to give me?
    Deadpool
    Fight like a man: with your words, not your fists.
    Last edited by Deadpool; 08-04-2014, 12:40 PM.
    Originally posted by IonFan
    (even if the ear sucking helped get me off faster)
    Originally posted by Big Daddy Caesar
    If I had things like the internet and a laptop as a kid, I never would have left my room as a teenager.
    Originally posted by Quaker
    I am the Geoff Johns of the GLCMB.

  • #2
    Well, some thoughts:

    (1) Sounds like you need to make some new friends or try to meet up more often with the old ones. Even if you are the type (like me) who takes a long time to make new friends, you may need to be in more social places: coffee shops, libraries, book stores, your LCS, etc.

    (2) I think you're putting too much stock in your dreams. Even if your Jungian interpretation is correct (and I'm very leery of dream interpretation), you're just making it worse by focusing on them so much. Dreams are also reconstructions of our conscious mind and daily lives. If you keep obsessing over bad dreams, you are going to keep having them. One thing that can help is to watch or read something really fun just before going to bed.

    (3) You'll don't seem to be considering this and that's good, but just to be clear: one thing you should definitely not do is tell the girl. You know she's in a relationship, so there's no good outcome from that and death dreams freak out a lot of people (I've seen someone who was deeply put off by a friend telling her she dreamed of her death). Again, you weren't saying you wanted to do that, but I'd recommend distance between you and her (since you weren't inseparable friends or anything).

    Don't know how helpful any of that is, but those are my first thoughts. If you think you are heading down the path of depression, please talk to your family and/or a professional.

    Comment


    • #3
      In the time it took me to read this, I had two smokes.

      Son, you need to learn about paragraphs. LOL [/DOOMRANTOVER]

      So, it's hard to give you any advice on this because of the precarious position everyone is in- you have feelings for the girl, yet she has a boyfriend. Normally, I would just say "tell her how you feel" but that might put you in an awkward position with the boyfriend.

      As for your dreams, it sounds like you pretty much have them figured out. I think the main theme that your brain is trying to get across to you is that you are going through a transition/transformation process. As one thing ends, so another begins. However, I am no dream expert. I tend to have very vivid and sorrowful dreams that will stay with me for days, and I never know what they mean other than they curse me with sadness.

      What I would ultimately suggest (and this may sound corny, but it DOES help) is to seek counsel if these dreams and feelings you have are so overwhelming that they are taking over your day-to-day life. Like, if there is a school counselor, or a social worker connected to the school, maybe you might stop in for a chat. I've often found in my own experience that talking to total strangers helps a lot; they can give you outside perspectives you might not think of on your own.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Space Cop View Post
        Well, some thoughts:

        (1) Sounds like you need to make some new friends or try to meet up more often with the old ones. Even if you are the type (like me) who takes a long time to make new friends, you may need to be in more social places: coffee shops, libraries, book stores, your LCS, etc.

        (2) I think you're putting too much stock in your dreams. Even if your Jungian interpretation is correct (and I'm very leery of dream interpretation), you're just making it worse by focusing on them so much. Dreams are also reconstructions of our conscious mind and daily lives. If you keep obsessing over bad dreams, you are going to keep having them. One thing that can help is to watch or read something really fun just before going to bed.

        (3) You'll don't seem to be considering this and that's good, but just to be clear: one thing you should definitely not do is tell the girl. You know she's in a relationship, so there's no good outcome from that and death dreams freak out a lot of people (I've seen someone who was deeply put off by a friend telling her she dreamed of her death). Again, you weren't saying you wanted to do that, but I'd recommend distance between you and her (since you weren't inseparable friends or anything).

        Don't know how helpful any of that is, but those are my first thoughts. If you think you are heading down the path of depression, please talk to your family and/or a professional.
        1) Amen, that is certainly a thing I need to do! Maybe I'll start having walks down the town and bump into people or something, or join facebook and get in contact with people. Thing is I live in a small sleepy town, so.......
        2)Yeah, maybe you're right. The thing is it's not the dreams themselves making me sad, it's that they remind me of her and that I never got her, plus it emphasises that I'll never see her again. It's the reminding that hurts, I tried to forget her before this happened.
        3) Oh I'd never tell her about the dreams, I wouldn't even tell her how long I've liked her as that alone would creep her about probably. But I think you're right. If I did tell her though, it would be along the lines of "by the way I always thought you were hot......bye" instead of "I've loved you for a long time" as that would be a bit heavy going. It would only be if we got in a relationship (which would never happen, I'm not going to kid myself) that I'd tell her about my deeper feelings. But I'd never tell her about the dreams.
        Originally posted by DOOM View Post
        In the time it took me to read this, I had two smokes.

        Son, you need to learn about paragraphs. LOL [/DOOMRANTOVER]

        So, it's hard to give you any advice on this because of the precarious position everyone is in- you have feelings for the girl, yet she has a boyfriend. Normally, I would just say "tell her how you feel" but that might put you in an awkward position with the boyfriend.

        As for your dreams, it sounds like you pretty much have them figured out. I think the main theme that your brain is trying to get across to you is that you are going through a transition/transformation process. As one thing ends, so another begins. However, I am no dream expert. I tend to have very vivid and sorrowful dreams that will stay with me for days, and I never know what they mean other than they curse me with sadness.

        What I would ultimately suggest (and this may sound corny, but it DOES help) is to seek counsel if these dreams and feelings you have are so overwhelming that they are taking over your day-to-day life. Like, if there is a school counselor, or a social worker connected to the school, maybe you might stop in for a chat. I've often found in my own experience that talking to total strangers helps a lot; they can give you outside perspectives you might not think of on your own.
        Haha, lol. I just got swept away with the writing, when I write essays on paper I'm usually good would paragraphs, it's just a little different on the internet.

        Tell me about it. He's a very big guy, very tall and could easily win in a fight, luckily though he's a nice guy and we actually get on. Funny dude.

        Yeah, I think my brain is telling me this, but it's rekindled feelings towards her.

        Luckily it's not affecting day to day life (yet anyway), just when I'm still in bed (which is about half the day due to lie ins). I don't think it would require a councillor, plus I don't really believe in counselling so that really doesn't help. Yeah, talking to strangers about it helps though, to be honest that's why I started this thread, this is pretty much the closest to counselling I'll get. In fact it's only you guys here (along with a game forum somewhere else but it went inactive) that even know about this, no one I know in real life have any clue about what's going on in my head. I remember about five or so years ago I had my first crush (which was purely for physical reasons unlike this one) and I told a friend about it, but in the end the whole school knew, but it was kinda my fault for being a bit of a dick. The second time I told my best friend who wouldn't tell anyone else, but someone overheard and then the whole school knew. I remember the next lesson I had her in was one of the worst lessons of my life, I felt sick and everything. So that's when I decided never again to tell anyone when I developed a fancy and I've stuck to that policy. I've had many for the past few years but they usually wore off after a month or two at the most, but this crush has been going on for about two years now (creepy right). Plus I never told my parents about any of them because I don't like mixing my love and family life. God know what they must think, they wouldn't be surprised if I were gay, or at least my dad wouldn't. Plus being a Rick Astley fan doesn't help.

        Thanks the for replies guys.
        Originally posted by IonFan
        (even if the ear sucking helped get me off faster)
        Originally posted by Big Daddy Caesar
        If I had things like the internet and a laptop as a kid, I never would have left my room as a teenager.
        Originally posted by Quaker
        I am the Geoff Johns of the GLCMB.

        Comment


        • #5
          Hi guys. Didn't know which thread to use so I used this as it's more about what I posted here.

          Anyway an update, last night I had another dream about the girl. The dream didn't really make any sense, first it was meant to be when we go an collect out GCSE results (which is on the 21st) then it sort of merged into the induction day of my new college but the décor changed to dark wood walls and there was a column. I met her again, for which I knew was the last time we'd ever meet, and we were all sat down like a class for some reason but the whole year group as sat down. I think I was either next to her or near her, but in talking difference. She had her hair different to what she usually did. We talked and got on. That's pretty much the important part of the dream before it turned into nonsense.

          So even now I'm still dreaming about her. I think a lot of this though is more about my new college as opposed to my old life. This time in the dream she didn't die a while back or anything, she was alive and we talked a bit. The dreams I previously talked about I came to the conclusion it was about the death of my old life, but I think this one is about entering my new one. It wasn't just her there either, I think al the people on my side of the maths class were there as well, it was basically like being back in maths for a while. So this dream is probably about my final goodbye to the old life and the people I was friendly with. Plus later on in the dream, another girl (who was in my art class and sat next to the girl I like/d and she was also attractive) who we talked (we never really talked in real life) and I thought seemed like a better match (this isn't at all the case in real life though) and that pretty much signified that there are women out there for me.

          So yes it would seem that part of my life is improving, or at least so much in as I'm getting over the loss of my old life (which was never brilliant in the first place but I was happier then than I was in a long time and I wouldn't want to revert to an older time of life and hey there was usually a good laugh or two everyday). But I think there's still nervousness of my new life and whether I made the right choice, but I guess most people wonder that.

          While I'm here I might as well update you on the family side of things too. So as you know sadly my late Grandfather passed on recently. The funeral is next Monday, exactly three weeks after he died. We were picking out clothes for the funeral yesterday and that was a bit of a laugh. For the record I'm going to be wearing a pair of shoes and trousers from the 1980s, but that suits me as I like the 80s. Plus the fall out between my aunt and mother seems to have resolved itself to a degree as my aunt rang up the day after to try and sort things out. Things still aren't ideal and my mother is still angry with my aunt but at least (hopefully) they won't cause a scene at the funeral.
          Originally posted by IonFan
          (even if the ear sucking helped get me off faster)
          Originally posted by Big Daddy Caesar
          If I had things like the internet and a laptop as a kid, I never would have left my room as a teenager.
          Originally posted by Quaker
          I am the Geoff Johns of the GLCMB.

          Comment


          • #6
            Might as well update this.

            So in September, I think I'm moving on with my life albeit scarred a tiny bit from her. Then I find that she's joined my class (but like two weeks late because her original course fucked up). So she's in my class and since we've become really good friends. There's a circle of friends I have now and she's one of them, in fact she's probably one of my best friends now. I fell back in love with her, stronger than ever. Eventually though I realised that if I truly loved her (which I do) then I should fall out of love with her and let her be happy with her boyfriend. So I started to let go, eventually I think it worked and I wasn't deeply in love with her. But every so often I sort of fall back to her if you get what I mean, now it's not as powerful as it was but I think I still love her at least a bit. And to top it all off at one point I had a little crush on her cousin too (but I got over her since as upon knowing her more I realised she wasn't my type).

            Recently I've thought "soon I might be 100% over her" (as even when I'm not you know, obsessing over her or whatever I'm still say 90% 95% over her at best) but today I kinda fell back in love with her a little bit just as I thought I'd be free soon. Sometimes I try thinking if there's any decent girls in my class I might have a chance with (however slim that chance is) but I just give up in the end as I realise they wouldn't be as good as her and besides I'd probably get embarrassed in front of them if I had a crush on one of them haha. Urgh, my life.

            Plus around September October I had a stress and anxiety related eating problem I think where sometimes when I ate I felt sick. In September it was whenever I thought about college, this girl and all the new exciting stuff in my life. Early on I sometimes felt sick even when not eating and a few times I was actually sick. Eventually it died down a tiny bit but around Halloween I was invited to her Halloween party (where I also met her cousin) and that made me nervous and ill again *though I never threw up on Halloween). Then I was invited to her New Years Eve party and you guessed it, started feeling ill again, Not quite as bad compared with the other events but still not good at all. Eventually I decided not to go and the instant I made my mind up for certain, I felt better and able to eat. So yeah, that's my sucky life, there's ups and downs. Sometimes I'm thankful for having her as a friend, having a great set of friends and so forth, others I just indulge in self pity over her and my pathetic life. Ok now time to sponge off everyone's pity and concern because that's the reason I wrote this thread (along with updating everyone). Urgh, me.
            Originally posted by IonFan
            (even if the ear sucking helped get me off faster)
            Originally posted by Big Daddy Caesar
            If I had things like the internet and a laptop as a kid, I never would have left my room as a teenager.
            Originally posted by Quaker
            I am the Geoff Johns of the GLCMB.

            Comment


            • #7
              My advice is to get a new keyboard, because your Enter key is broken.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by myuserid View Post
                My advice is to get a new keyboard, because your Enter key is broken.
                I did paragraphs.
                Originally posted by IonFan
                (even if the ear sucking helped get me off faster)
                Originally posted by Big Daddy Caesar
                If I had things like the internet and a laptop as a kid, I never would have left my room as a teenager.
                Originally posted by Quaker
                I am the Geoff Johns of the GLCMB.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by Deadpool View Post
                  ...So I started to let go, eventually I think it worked and I wasn't deeply in love with her. . .

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Deadpool, it sounds as if you're confused about your own feelings- one day, you're in love and the next your out of it. I think you may be confusing an extreme physical attraction with love. Nothing wrong with that. It happens. Since this girl has a BF, and you respect her/their boundaries and relationship, leave it be and try not to obsess over it. Your best bet is to try and stay away to keep from torturing yourself. I know it's cliche, but there are plenty of fish in the sea, especially at your age.

                    In the meantime, do you. After a while, they may break up and then you will have your shot.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      To Sylent you should listen! Qui-Gon's defiance need you not!

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Sylent_Asassin View Post
                        Deadpool, it sounds as if you're confused about your own feelings- one day, you're in love and the next your out of it. I think you may be confusing an extreme physical attraction with love. Nothing wrong with that. It happens. Since this girl has a BF, and you respect her/their boundaries and relationship, leave it be and try not to obsess over it. Your best bet is to try and stay away to keep from torturing yourself. I know it's cliche, but there are plenty of fish in the sea, especially at your age.

                        In the meantime, do you. After a while, they may break up and then you will have your shot.
                        Hmm yeah, I am rather confused. But it's not just an extreme physical attraction, it's her personality and her mannerisms. I know at least once I was in love with her, I don't think I am now though. I think yesterday was just a "relapse" if you know what I mean. Maybe deep down I still love her, but not in love with her, love doesn't have to be romantic. The problem with that though is she's in my class, in my social group and even sits next to me usually.

                        I don't think she'd ever go for me. Today she was talking about her bf and basically she said that she's mostly attracted to more muscular people and atm is kinda put off physically to her bf as he's gained a bit of weight and lost muscle. She prefers manly men basically and I'm skinny and feeble.
                        Originally posted by IonFan
                        (even if the ear sucking helped get me off faster)
                        Originally posted by Big Daddy Caesar
                        If I had things like the internet and a laptop as a kid, I never would have left my room as a teenager.
                        Originally posted by Quaker
                        I am the Geoff Johns of the GLCMB.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I have been where you are now dude, my advice is keep living and forget the chances of romance with her forever.
                          Time is your friend,if the feelings won't go away today they might in a few months time.
                          Like they said more fishes in the sea.
                          Proud owner of a Justice League Europe number 1 issue.
                          Which currently is worth less than my Kick-Ass 2 issue 1.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by CaptainFrxz View Post
                            I have been where you are now dude, my advice is keep living and forget the chances of romance with her forever.
                            Time is your friend,if the feelings won't go away today they might in a few months time.
                            Like they said more fishes in the sea.
                            I'm trying to, I'd say most of the time these days I'm more successful. Yesterday I had a "slip" though. I know that I have no shot with her and even if I did, I'd feel ill and anxious all the time plus in the long run we want completely different things from life.

                            Yeah most of the friends I've told said that I'll find someone else one day. Thanks dude, appreciate the advice.
                            Originally posted by IonFan
                            (even if the ear sucking helped get me off faster)
                            Originally posted by Big Daddy Caesar
                            If I had things like the internet and a laptop as a kid, I never would have left my room as a teenager.
                            Originally posted by Quaker
                            I am the Geoff Johns of the GLCMB.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Deadfool View Post
                              I don't think she'd ever go for me. Today she was talking about her bf and basically she said that she's mostly attracted to more muscular people and atm is kinda put off physically to her bf as he's gained a bit of weight and lost muscle. She prefers manly men basically and I'm skinny and feeble.
                              From this description, it sounds like you're better off anyway. How long do you think a relationship with a lady that has superficial tastes will last? This is the kind of girl that would drop you like a hot potato without explanation and have you wondering where you went wrong... and it sounds like you lack confidence and self-esteem.

                              Comment

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