Last film you saw, vol. 6

[Space Cop The Dandy Find all posts View Profile Close Space Cop]

Kung Fu Shaolin Challenges Ninja [aka Heroes of the East] (1983)


Probably my least favorite Shaw Brothers film I've seen so far.

An annoying China-and-kung-fu-are-the-best man marries an even more annoying Japan-and-karate-are-the-only-acceptable-life woman. Both refuse to relent. Martial arts and stupidity (like when said wife commences knocking down bricks walls in her new home because she had no sand bags to practice her moves on) follow.

EDIT: I must emmend my former analysis, which was made when I was only half way through. Although act one was very annoying, the rest of the movie, in which the Kung Fu hero defends against 7 Japanese martial artists---bushido, karate, nunchuck with baton [admitted in the movie to be unusal], long spear, sai, Judo, and Ninjitsu---was really cool. Not surprisingly, the lead defends Chinese Martial Arts as more civilized and their weapons as superior.

A true masterpiece. Perfection on film.

[Mister.Weirdo Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Mister.Weirdo]

It was a strangely touching movie about the relationship between a boy and his dog. Loved all the references to older horror movies.

A true masterpiece. Perfection on film.

Yeah it's an insane movie, but I found it to be absolutely hilarious.

[Mister.Weirdo Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Mister.Weirdo]

[Agent Purple The Illustrated Man Find all posts View Profile Close Agent Purple]

Sorceress II: The Temptress (1999)

"Virginia... This has always been between you and me."


Greg Wrangler stars as Paul Stevens, a man plagued by visions of another man (who closely resembles him for story-based reasons) getting dominated by busty, lusty women...and people dying. He takes a job as a marketing exec at a cosmetics company that's secretly run by witches who are out to take over the world. Partially through cursed cosmetics. And draining men's souls through sex to prolong their lives.

The villainous duo are played by Julie Strain (yes, the one and only) and Christopher Noble. Their acting is pretty bad, especially Noble's, as he has this omnipresent smirk on his face that makes you want to kill him starting with his face. The love interest/good witch, played by Sandahl Bergman, is impossibly wooden: she has one uncombed hairstyle, one tone of voice and one facial expression for almost the entire film, except for about the last 30 minutes.

Wrangler's psychiatrist is basically Kevin Pollack with optional glasses.

Wrangler also has a brick cell phone.

There are scenes where it is clearly night, but the next moment, it's dusk, and that's only for starters. They spam the word "coventry" like you'll get tax rebates every time they say it. Strain's character is "Tara Coventry" and works for "Coventry Cosmetics" in the city-town of "Coventry." Virtually every female character wears a pentagram necklace almost to the point of flaunting it. Snapping someone's neck is a common magical killing method.

The entire film feels like it's from 1993 and was made by dropouts from cable soaps, but wasn't formally released on time. The director/writer, Richard Styles, is completely and utterly incompetent, because nearly everything about the script and filming is bad. The special visual effects ("magic attacks/powers") are by Marmalade, and goddamn are they poor.

The ending is abysmal: after a clear victory over evil, Wrangler, exhausted, closes his eyes and catches his breath...and then wakes up in bed in someone's house, and it turns out he's one of the black hats, because the woman who greets him in a sexy/intimate manner is Strain. It's confusing as hell because there's no point where the story would clearly veer off into a "he was hallucinating/dreaming about the other side of the coin" sequence of events; the entire story is based on him being a hero with no attachment to Strain.

Despite all that's wrong with the film, it's not outright unwatchable: the women are sexy, there's some softcore porn, and...okay, that's actually it. And Strain doesn't even wear this incredibly sexy spider-web one-piece in the film that she sports on the cover. For shame!

[Abin Surly or ewe sirius Find all posts View Profile Close Abin Surly]

[Abin Surly or ewe sirius Find all posts View Profile Close Abin Surly]

[Mister.Weirdo Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Mister.Weirdo]

Strange movie. I didn't hate it or love it, it was just there.

[Abin Surly or ewe sirius Find all posts View Profile Close Abin Surly]

[BTomaselli Corps Honor Guard Find all posts View Profile Close BTomaselli]

Just a little bit better than the first. Plus, it has uber insane Cage so that's worth the free download I paid.

[Mister.Weirdo Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Mister.Weirdo]

A very interesting movie. Washington's performance was a knockout.

[Abin Surly or ewe sirius Find all posts View Profile Close Abin Surly]

Last Night:



Earlier tonight:

[Space Cop The Dandy Find all posts View Profile Close Space Cop]

License to Kill (1989)

"James:Why don't you wait until you're asked?
Pam: Why don't you ask me?"

Wanted to see this one because I saw several of the locations when I was in the Keys and especially in Key West. Always makes me feel closer to a movie.

[Space Cop The Dandy Find all posts View Profile Close Space Cop]

The Sword of Doom (1965)

"The sword is the soul. Study the soul to know the sword. Evil mind, evil sword."

Maniac Cop (1988)

"Look at the size of those hematomas!"

[Lex Luthor Corps Honor Guard Find all posts View Profile Close Lex Luthor]

Hadn't seen this in YEARS, but it was on Cinemax and I decided to check it out.

[Abin Surly or ewe sirius Find all posts View Profile Close Abin Surly]