Last film you saw, vol. 6

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The Punisher (1989)
“You’re sick, you know that don’t you?
-No I'm not.
What the f**k do you call 125 murders in 5 years?
-Work in progress.”
—R.I.P. Louis Gossett Jr.

Major League II (1994)
“I don’t know about any of you, but I’ve been waiting my whole life to get here. And I’ll be damned if I'm gonna act like my best pig died just cuz we ain’t doin’ so good.”
—30^th anniversary.

Conan the Barbarian (1982)
“Do you know what horrors lie beyond that wall?
-No
Then you go first.”
—Enjoying my new Arrow 4K (with extended edition).

Godzilla vs. Kong (2021)
“I thought you said you were a hacker!
-I said I took an HTML course at summer camp.”

Hellboy (2004)
“There are things that go bump in the night. We bump back.”
—20^th anniversary.

[Rifftrax:] Flash Gordon: Purple Death from Outer Space (1940/1966/2019)
“Lucky this mountain was here to break my fall.”

[Rifftrax:] Missile X: The Neutron Bomb Incident (1979/2017)
“I don’t understand.
-You don’t have to.
[John Carradine’s ideal arrangement.]”
—I normally restrict myself to no more than one riff movie a week, but my free trial of their Friends streaming service is about to expire and I wanted to get more out of it.

Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire (2024)
“You are my home.”

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)
“You honestly think you’re gonna find something more important than every single creature on Earth being led two by two inside a giant rocket ship?”
—20^th anniversary.—20^th anniversary.

Kill Bill: Vol. 2 (2004)
"As you know, l'm quite keen on comic books."
—20^th anniversary.

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Soul (2020)

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Because of Wrestlemania last weekend, I didn't get through as many movies this week:

Shaun of the Dead (2004)
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“We’re coming to get you, Barbara!”
—20^th anniversary. Remember loving this from first viewing (I think in theater).

Foxy Brown (1974)
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“Baby, jail is where some of the finest people I know are these days.”
—50^th anniversary.

[Rifftrax:] Mesa of Lost Women (1953/2012)
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“She enjoys violently displaying her lady parts.”

Cellar Dweller (1987)
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“To contemplate evil, is to ask evil home.”
—Thought I had seen this, but then it wasn’t familiar. Liked it. 1^st of a double feature with a friend who comes over every other month to watch some horror with me.

Tourist Trap (1979)
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“Mr. Slausen, can I use your phone?
-Oh sure, help yourself, but it doesn’t work. I got nobody to call.”

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H2: Halloween II (2009)

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The Punisher (2004)
“This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it’s an emotional response. No, not vengeance. Punishment.”
—20^th anniversary.

Meg 2: The Trench (2023)
“Is the experiment ‘do I taste good?’”
—Restarted Netflix (with a gift card) and started with this. Okay.

Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter
“I got my reputation in the 6^th grade.”
—40^th anniversary.

Blood Bath (1966)
“The world is full of idiots.”
—Early Jack Hill (partly Corman produced) flick. Free on Youtube.

Friday the 13^th: The Final Chapter (1984)
“Some pack of patootsies, huh?”
—40^th anniversary.

[MST3K:] Wizards of the Lost Kingdom (1985/2017)
“It’s like Lord of the Rings without all the fancy good stuff.”

The Aftermath (1982)
“I don’t underestimate my enemy.”

Ride in the Whirlwind (1966)
“Better blisters than neck burns.”
—This week’s Corman-produced flick, a western written by and starring Jack Nicholson. Free on Youtube (though there is a sporadic watermark from the host site).

65 (2023)
“I’m just tired.”

St. Valentine’s Day Massacre (1967)
“Think we want some lousy amateur gumming up the works? Why I wouldn’t even let you kill my own mother.”
—Roger Corman directed flick with a big cast about the Capone-Moran gang war. Pretty good. Free on Youtube.

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The Eiger Sanction (1975)

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[Rifftrax:] Wizards of the Lost Kingdom II (1989/2017)
“What if they made a movie and nobody came?”

Gonjiam: Haunted Asylum (2018)
“There’s someone inside.”

The Beast Must Die (1974)
“One of you, sitting here in this room, is a werewolf.”
—50^th anniversary and my werewolf pick for the Pink Moon. Structured like a whodunnit and famous for its “werewolf break” that gave the viewer a chance to guess who it is.

Double Indemnity (1944)
“We were talking about automobile insurance, only you were thinking about murder. And I was thinking about that anklet.”
—80^th anniversary.

Robot Jox (1989)
“Crash and burn!”

Inside the Mind of a Cat (2022)
“Love is going both ways.”

Them! (1954)
“When Man entered the atomic age, he opened a door into a new world. What we’ll eventually find in that new world, nobody can predict.”
—70^th anniversary.

30 for 30: Nature Boy (2017)
“I mean I’ve never seen a guy have his pants pulled down more than Ric Flair.”

The Eiger Sanction (1975)

I love that one. In general I like movies about assassins and movies about mountain climbing, so win win.

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Luca (2021)

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Blonde (2022)
“Marilyn Monroe only exists on the screen”

The Return of the Street Fighter (1974)
“Ooh, I love Americans. They taught me to groove.”
—50^th anniversary.

Jesus Revolution (2023)
“The truth is always quiet. It's the lies that are loud.”

Mothra vs. Godzilla (1964)
“We too want a world where we can trust one another. But the more people there are, the more difficult it becomes. Nevertheless, we'll never give up. We're working hard to make the world a better place. Please, don't be quick to judge us.”
—60^th anniversary.

[MST3K:] Atlantic Rim (2013/2017)
“What happened down here?
-Whatever it is, don’t show us.”

River of No Return (1954)
“Like you said, who gets anywhere?”
—70^th anniversary.

The iDol (2006)
“Cat got your tongue or are you just incapable of grasping how cool I am.”

Mean Girls (2004)
“I know it may look like I’d become a b*tch, but that’s only because I was acting like a b*tch.”
—20^th anniversary.

Van Helsing (2004)
“Evil may have created it, left its mark on it, but evil does not rule it. So, I cannot kill it.”
—20^th anniversary.

Going My Way (1944)
“It wouldn't be a church without a mortgage.”
—80^th anniversary. Bells of St. Mary is actually a sequel to this.

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Turning Red (2022)

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Travelin’ Band: Creedence Clearwater Revival at the Royal Albert Hall (2022)
“Creedence was now poised to take on the mantle of the biggest band in the world.”
—Part documentary (narrated by Jeff Bridges) and (mostly) previously lost footage of their 1970 London concert of the title.

Funny Face (1957)
“Now, what’s wrong with bringing out a girl who has character, spirit, and intelligence?
-That certainly would be novel in a fashion magazine.”
—For what would’ve been Hepburn’s 95^th birthday.

Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022)
“No, su casa es mi casa!”

[MST3K:] Carnival Magic (1983/2017)
“And the crowd goes mild.”

Clean Slate (1994)
“How’s Dolby doing?
-Oh, he’s great.
Really, I heard he was shot.
-Except for that, yeah.”
—30^th anniversary. I always found this one fun, though it flew under the radar. Had to watch my VHS.

Indiana Jone and the Temple of Doom (1984)
“Hey, Dr. Jones, no time for love.”
—40^th anniversary.

Shrek 2 (2004)
“If we ever need an expert on licking ourselves, we'll give you a call.”
–20^th anniversary.

Firestarter (1984)
“Back off!”
—40^th anniversary.

X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014)
“Just because someone stumbles and loses their path, doesn’t mean they’re lost forever.”
—10^th anniversary.

The Natural (1984)
"I guess some mistakes you never stop paying for."
—40^th anniversary.

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Dune (1984)

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Bride of the Monster (1955)
“Home? I have no home. Hunted, despised, living like an animal! The jungle is my home. But I will show the world that I can be its master! I will perfect my own race of people. A race of atomic supermen which will conquer the world!”
—Technically an anniversary (69^th), but I watch this and Ed Wood’s magnum opus every year.

Attack of the Crab Monsters (1957)
“Once they were men; now they are land crabs.”
—R.I.P. Roger Corman. More to follow this week.

The Masque of the Red Death
“Why should you be afraid to die? Your soul has been dead for a long long time.”

Roger Corman: The Pope of Pop Cinema (2021)
“If Roger isn’t the godfather of Hollywood, I don’t know who is.”
—French-made (but English-language) short(ish) documentary. Free on Tubi.

Dreamscape (1984)
“Nice place you got here. Who’s your decorator? Darth Vader?”
—40^th anniversary. Beat inception (by decades) to the idea of weaponizing dreams and ending with a question of dream reality.

Von Richthofen and Brown (1971)
“My ancestors were Teutonic knights; I’ve merely exchanged my horse for an airplane.”

[MST3K:] Lords of the Deep (1989/2017)
“If it wasn’t for these blinds, it would be curtains for me.”

Star Wars: Episode I—The Phantom Menace (1999)
“This is so wizard, Ani.”

The Pit and the Pendulum (1961)
“We must break into the torture chamber! Quickly!”
—Tried to make it a full week+ of watching at least some Corman content every day (some had to be interviews and such). This is a favorite.

Premature Burial (1962)
“Can you possibly conceive it. The unendurable oppression of the lungs, the stifling fumes of the earth, the rigid embrace of the coffin, the blackness of absolute night and the silence, like an overwhelming sea.”

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Dune: Part One (2021)

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House of Flying Daggers (2004)
“If my body should perish, girls I shall still cherish.”
—20^th anniversary.

Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai (1999)
“Sorry to hear about your nephew.
-Well, they whacked him. What’re you gonna do?”
—25^th anniversary.

Maverick (1994)
“I figure it’s their fault for being on our land before we got here.”
—30^th anniversary. Had been a while.

Dogma (1999)
“This is not a drill. This is the Apocalypse. Please evacuate the hospital.”
—25^th anniversary.

[MST3K:] Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell (1988/1996)
“This is one of the most ambitiously bad movies we’ve ever done.”

Werewolf in the Amazon (2005)
“I only wanted the missionary position!”
—My pick for the full moon.

Le Professional (1981)
“I'd stay out of the firing line if I were you.”

Butterfly in the Sky: The Story of Reading Rainbow (2022)
"Everyone believed in what we were doing."
—Fun documentary about the kids' show. Just added to Netflix.

Big Jake (1971)
“You’re short on ears and long on mouth!”
—Decided I’d start marking the anniversary of John Wayne’s birthday (I have a lot of his movies, especially the westerns).

Bataan (1943)
“We’re still here. We’ll always be here!”
—Watched with the fam (we think 1^st time for all of us) for Memorial Day. Alright.