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Old 11-14-2010, 06:42 PM   #1
Godmera
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Default Need Dating Advice...Help.

Ok I normally don't do this but it has been driving me nuts for the past couple of days. Here's the situation, I started a new job a few months ago working on a team that does resets in retail stores, one of the people on the team left and we got a new person to replace them. She is a really nice person, pretty, smart, funny, and we get along pretty good. There are a couple of things about her that I know that would cause alot of guys to pass on her, she is divorced and has a child, I don't have a problem with this. I know how I feel about her but I'm clueless to how she feels about me, I've always had trouble figuring out women in this way. I kept hoping there would be something that would give me a hint to how she feels but I'm still confused. On Thursday I found out from one of my other coworkers that she has two dates with other guys, now I'm thinking do I even have a chance but she might just seeing what's out there. I tried not to think about this to much but on Friday I ran into her while doing some solo work (which she was doing too) and I started thinking about this all over again. Then later on I was in a store and heard a couple of guys talking, one guy said to the other that he went out with someone "and she's got a kid", he didn't say this in a nice way. He said something else after that which I didn't get the whole thing but it seemed like he had other issues with the situation with this woman. Now while I don't think he was talk about the woman I work with it was the same type of situation and this got me thinking about her even more and what if her dates were like this guy. Again I would not be like this but I don't know if that would be enough to win her over if she isn't interested in me. So what do I do, I am willing to hear any advice you guys (and gals) have, thanks.
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Old 11-14-2010, 07:01 PM   #2
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It sounds like if she went on two dates, she's seeing who all is out there. It might be a good time to try to spend more time with her outside work. Invite her to go to something you are both interested in. If that works out well, you could ask her to go to something more "date like".
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Old 11-14-2010, 07:22 PM   #3
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It sounds like if she went on two dates, she's seeing who all is out there. It might be a good time to try to spend more time with her outside work. Invite her to go to something you are both interested in. If that works out well, you could ask her to go to something more "date like".
Thanks Grey, it's something that I was thinking as well on a list of options.
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Old 11-14-2010, 08:05 PM   #4
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ok with a thread like this you are asking for someone to give a assholish answer, I will beat them to it and say " ask her if you can Pee in her butt". ok now that that is over.

back to topic, I agree with Gray. I also think you should start small, since you two get along pretty well, ask her her plans for lunch during shift, and see if she goes for it, this worked for me in the past, (though I ended up in the friend zone a few times do to my own doing, or them having a Boyfriend) if she says yes you then have your chance to see how things would flow outside of work and if it is worth pursuing. If she is busy offer another day then if she says no without a good excuse you are not getting anywhere. at least that is how it was for me.... but due to her going on two dates it really sounds like she'd give you a chance.

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Old 11-14-2010, 08:39 PM   #5
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Dating a co-worker is a tricky issue.

If you date her and it doesn't go well, you two will still have to come to work and interact. And that's potentially bad. But if you date her and it does go well, that can also create issues. For example, if she gets into a fight with someone, ythen ou're going to be very tempted to jump in, and that could make the fight escalate a lot more than it otherwise would.

So proceed with caution, regardless of what you decide.
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Old 11-14-2010, 08:45 PM   #6
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ok with a thread like this you are asking for someone to give a assholish answer, I will beat them to it and say " ask her if you can Pee in her butt". ok now that that is over.

back to topic, I agree with Gray. I also think you should start small, since you two get along pretty well, ask her her plans for lunch during shift, and see if she goes for it, this worked for me in the past, (though I ended up in the friend zone a few times do to my own doing, or them having a Boyfriend) if she says yes you then have your chance to see how things would flow outside of work and if it is worth pursuing. If she is busy offer another day then if she says no without a good excuse you are not getting anywhere. at least that is how it was for me.... but due to her going on two dates it really sounds like she'd give you a chance.
I wasn't asking for "a assholish answer" but thanks for getting it over with, and thanks for the advice.
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Old 11-14-2010, 08:53 PM   #7
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Dating a co-worker is a tricky issue.

If you date her and it doesn't go well, you two will still have to come to work and interact. And that's potentially bad. But if you date her and it does go well, that can also create issues. For example, if she gets into a fight with someone, ythen ou're going to be very tempted to jump in, and that could make the fight escalate a lot more than it otherwise would.

So proceed with caution, regardless of what you decide.
Thanks Spy that is something I realized as well, and is why I haven't said anything yet.
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Old 11-14-2010, 10:30 PM   #8
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I thought long and hard about this post before immediately jumping in on the conversation, and I can only tell you things I have experienced.

I think you are dealing with two main issues here: a single parent, and a co-worker.

I agree with the sentiment that you should err on the side of caution at work, because it could potentially blow up in your face if something bad happens and then you are stuck going into a job every day faced with an issue that could make the job less attractive. And in the current economic climate, we need jobs and health insurance. I'm guessing you are a young guy and have plenty of time ahead of you to "find the one". However, I understand that your feelings cannot be denied. Whatever the result is, I wish you the best and hope all aspects of whatever happens work out in your favor.

On the single parent thing, I have been there, done that, sent the damn postcard. I have no children myself, but I know, I KNOW despite my own situations, that there are decent people out there with kids. It can work and it really boils down to patience. Unfortunately, I have a bare minimum of that. Also, my dad married my mom, who already had 3 children, then they had me, and the marriage ended up a disaster. It was unfortunate for everyone involved. If you choose to pursue this, I would take severe baby steps along the way and not rush into anything. I would also get to know this woman for a good month or two before meeting the child/ren.

With all this being said, I hope it helps you, Godmera.
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Old 11-14-2010, 10:39 PM   #9
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Don't shit where you eat, bro. Seriously. Dating is tricky enough, bringing that shit to your job...even worse.
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Old 11-14-2010, 11:34 PM   #10
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I thought long and hard about this post before immediately jumping in on the conversation, and I can only tell you things I have experienced.

I think you are dealing with two main issues here: a single parent, and a co-worker.

I agree with the sentiment that you should err on the side of caution at work, because it could potentially blow up in your face if something bad happens and then you are stuck going into a job every day faced with an issue that could make the job less attractive. And in the current economic climate, we need jobs and health insurance. I'm guessing you are a young guy and have plenty of time ahead of you to "find the one". However, I understand that your feelings cannot be denied. Whatever the result is, I wish you the best and hope all aspects of whatever happens work out in your favor.

On the single parent thing, I have been there, done that, sent the damn postcard. I have no children myself, but I know, I KNOW despite my own situations, that there are decent people out there with kids. It can work and it really boils down to patience. Unfortunately, I have a bare minimum of that. Also, my dad married my mom, who already had 3 children, then they had me, and the marriage ended up a disaster. It was unfortunate for everyone involved. If you choose to pursue this, I would take severe baby steps along the way and not rush into anything. I would also get to know this woman for a good month or two before meeting the child/ren.

With all this being said, I hope it helps you, Godmera.
I'm actually not "young guy" (not old either) so the clock is ticking so to speak but the work part does complicate things. I'm not all that concerned on the single parent part I think I'm mature enough to handle that, so thanks for advice.
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Old 11-14-2010, 11:35 PM   #11
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Don't shit where you eat, bro. Seriously. Dating is tricky enough, bringing that shit to your job...even worse.
I take it you had a bad relationship with a coworker, maybe.
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Old 11-15-2010, 01:25 AM   #12
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I take it you had a bad relationship with a coworker, maybe.
Not me personally, I never went that route. But I have had friends (Rather, I've worked with people) who had relationships that started at work, then went bad and it brought drama into the work place that ended up causing problems with their employment.

I dunno, if you don't care about the job, it might be worth the risk. But if you like the job well enough, you might proceed cautiously.

As far as her having a kid, I wouldn't sweat that. Dating women with kids are just like dating anyone, you try it out, if it works out, then cool. If not, that's cool too. Ya' know?

Some people avoid women with children because children are the type of responsibility that prevents spontaneous...well anything....but having been married almost ten years now, I've learned that planning things around your kids doesn't mean you stop having fun. As long as you keep in mind, that babysitter availability and their family schedule is an issue, you can pretty much figure out if it sounds like too much hassle or something you might consider....

Either way, good luck.
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Old 11-15-2010, 01:33 AM   #13
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Not me personally, I never went that route. But I have had friends (Rather, I've worked with people) who had relationships that started at work, then went bad and it brought drama into the work place that ended up causing problems with their employment.

I dunno, if you don't care about the job, it might be worth the risk. But if you like the job well enough, you might proceed cautiously.

As far as her having a kid, I wouldn't sweat that. Dating women with kids are just like dating anyone, you try it out, if it works out, then cool. If not, that's cool too. Ya' know?

Some people avoid women with children because children are the type of responsibility that prevents spontaneous...well anything....but having been married almost ten years now, I've learned that planning things around your kids doesn't mean you stop having fun. As long as you keep in mind, that babysitter availability and their family schedule is an issue, you can pretty much figure out if it sounds like too much hassle or something you might consider....

Either way, good luck.
Thanks.
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Old 11-15-2010, 02:48 AM   #14
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Just ask her out. If it works out, awesome. If not, then you've lost nothing.
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Old 11-15-2010, 03:46 AM   #15
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Sounds like you're getting a lot of good advice, Godmera.

I tend to agree with Superlanter on one hand. Take it slow and see how things go outside of work.

On the other hand, I agree with Mad Dragon as well...can you believe that, M_D? . Sometimes just going for it can pay big dividends.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and let us know how it goes.
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:04 PM   #16
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I wasn't asking for "a assholish answer" but thanks for getting it over with, and thanks for the advice.

That's disgusting...kinky...but disgusting.
I know you didn't acatually ask for it I mean asking for it in the that someone would see this at a opprinitiy to piss all over the thread with bullshit....

and as for a pee in her butt it was something that I used to see in comments on a metal site I would go to... if the singer or member of the band was a hot female. people would gauge her hotness by wheter they'd pee in her butt or not.


Regardless good luck I think all will go well for you.
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Old 11-15-2010, 12:31 PM   #17
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Having a relationship at work isn't always a bad thing. There's a married couple I work with, who actually met at work. They're still married and work together, I've witnessed very few problems.

As for the being a mother situation, that part of it is where a red flag is flown. You have to realize that she is looking for someone for different reasons than normal. Her #1 priority is her kid (hopefully), so dating for her is all about prioritizing around her needs. Which means you have to know what you're getting into there. If she's had two dates like that back-to-back, that's a tell tell sign she has a need to be with someone, or is looking for someone to support her kid along with her.

Either way, be cautious.
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Old 11-15-2010, 05:46 PM   #18
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i would say take it slow and taking the small things first approach i.e going for lunch at work something as a step in the right direction as you don't want to start dating her to find out the real bad reasons why her marriage didn't work was a flaw on her part
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Old 11-15-2010, 07:06 PM   #19
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Just ask her out. If it works out, awesome. If not, then you've lost nothing.
Thanks, but I'm not sure jumping at this is the best way of going about it.
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Old 11-15-2010, 07:08 PM   #20
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Sounds like you're getting a lot of good advice, Godmera.

I tend to agree with Superlanter on one hand. Take it slow and see how things go outside of work.

On the other hand, I agree with Mad Dragon as well...can you believe that, M_D? . Sometimes just going for it can pay big dividends.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do, and let us know how it goes.
Thanks as well.
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Old 11-15-2010, 07:12 PM   #21
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I know you didn't acatually ask for it I mean asking for it in the that someone would see this at a opprinitiy to piss all over the thread with bullshit....

and as for a pee in her butt it was something that I used to see in comments on a metal site I would go to... if the singer or member of the band was a hot female. people would gauge her hotness by wheter they'd pee in her butt or not.


Regardless good luck I think all will go well for you.
Ok peeing in someones butt guages hotness.
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Old 11-15-2010, 07:20 PM   #22
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Having a relationship at work isn't always a bad thing. There's a married couple I work with, who actually met at work. They're still married and work together, I've witnessed very few problems.

As for the being a mother situation, that part of it is where a red flag is flown. You have to realize that she is looking for someone for different reasons than normal. Her #1 priority is her kid (hopefully), so dating for her is all about prioritizing around her needs. Which means you have to know what you're getting into there. If she's had two dates like that back-to-back, that's a tell tell sign she has a need to be with someone, or is looking for someone to support her kid along with her.

Either way, be cautious.
Thanks, a couple of comments I'm ok with the kid part, and I don't think she is looking for someone to support her and her kid (I think she gets child support from her ex).
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Old 11-15-2010, 07:25 PM   #23
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i would say take it slow and taking the small things first approach i.e going for lunch at work something as a step in the right direction as you don't want to start dating her to find out the real bad reasons why her marriage didn't work was a flaw on her part
Thanks for the advice. I am curious to know what happen to her marriage but I feel that can wait till later on.
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Old 11-15-2010, 07:34 PM   #24
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Dating a co-worker is a mixed bag of madness. I know, I'm currently in a relationship with a girl I work with.

Pros - it's fun to sneak around at work and grab her ass or kiss her, or flirt with her knowing later on you can act on those things. It's also nice to be able to talk to someone who understands you when it comes to my line of work (I work in a group home with high needs autistic kids), because you can't understand what it's like to work there without first hand knowledge.

Cons - Rumors are #1, especially if it's company policy not to work in the same house as a person you are dating. I'm sure nothing bad will come of it because our manager is cool, but still, that reality is there. Not only that, but I hate other people talking about my personal life. There is also the fact that you can get burned out on the person, especially if they are clingly (which mine is) - You work with someone for 8 hours, and then they want to spend the rest of the night with you - if you're anything like me, you need alone time, and 8 hours at work with someone can be enough for the day.

Then there is the eventual breakup issues, which in my case are only a matter of time. Do I leave the house? Does she? Do we go on working together even though I've broken her heart? It's a massive can of worms that I am not looking forward to.

In my case, there is a third problem as well - There is another girl there that I've had a crush on for a long time. I just found out she likes me too, possibly as much as I like her. She worked her last shift on Saturday and is now in a town an hour away. I fully intend to pursue her. However now a bunch of other shit is there too - Her and my current g/f are friends, (not great friends, but friends nonetheless), clearly the implications of g/f finding out about other girl are obvious. Worst of all is my innate paranoia - is this all just some elaborate plot to see how faithful, or how much I really care about my g/f? Am I being set up for failure? I don't think so, as I know "other girl" pretty well and don't think she'd do something like that, but the thought is there.

In my case, I'm going to jump into the deep end and see what happens. I've known since I first met my g/f that we would not end up married, while on the other hand I've known since I first met "other girl" that I would marry her if things went that way. There's only one way to find out what the future brings.


So Godmera, I don't know if this helps at all, but there it is. I can say for certainty, dating a co-worker is different than dating someone you don't work with. It's more complicated, and in my two cases (one prior, one current) - it didn't/won't work in the long run.
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Old 11-15-2010, 11:23 PM   #25
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Wow Mav I thought I was spilling my guts...but seriously I think we are both mature enough to keep it clean at work, but I actually had a situation like your's as far as a girl flirting with me big time at work. She grabbed my butt, made an interesting comment about her boobs to me, and even suggested we could fool around well we were alone in the walk-in refrigerator. I felt like I was in a cartoon or something with the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other arguing what I should do (where the hell are they now!), it was the closest I have come to actually doing something sexual at work and I was really tempted. With all that said thanks for the advice, I know we've had are differences.
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