need some advice.........

[TazzMission Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close TazzMission]

:sigh: so ok i am kind of crushing on my friends sister good woman very possitive christian easy to talk to. i did ask her out maybe about month in a half ago and i got the dreaded maybe because shes focusing on church and work . fast forward till now im thinking say she says yes and it dosent work do i have to worry about not being friends with her brother now?

i know i will probably get ion faned but i just have no idea what to do. do i persue it or do i just leave it?

[Jeff Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Jeff]

Dude, you are so concentrated on "what if it doesn't work?" that you are forgetting about "what if it DOES work?"

[TazzMission Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close TazzMission]

Dude, you are so concentrated on "what if it doesn't work?" that you are forgetting about "what if it DOES work?"

maybe thats just how im wired :shrugs: always think negativley 5 or 10 steps ahead. my shrink said the same thing no lie either

[Jeff Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Jeff]

Shrinks are magical like that, aren't they? LOL

[TazzMission Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close TazzMission]

Shrinks are magical like that, aren't they? LOL

i saw a shrink at the time because of something personal..... that info is in the bar and grill thread

on top of that this year it was a damn emotional roller coaster ride to where i had to personaly call the shrink and increase my meds a bit............

and this is me being honest not like a online persona or anything or looking for attention but i just had to vent before i do something stupid

[Big Daddy Dave Skywalker Moisture Farmer Find all posts View Profile Close Big Daddy Dave Skywalker]

I say leave it. If you're not in a good place with your own shit together, you're better off not pursuing a woman for a relationship. They don't need drama and you don't either. Work on you.

[Jeff Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Jeff]

I say leave it. If you're not in a good place with your own shit together, you're better off not pursuing a woman for a relationship. They don't need drama and you don't either. Work on you.

In light of my earlier statement, Dave does have a point here, although there *are* people out there who can accept you as is and deal with any type of mental disorder you may have. I say this only because I am doing right now what Dave is suggesting. I haven't been on a date in over a year and my dad's table saw is looking better every day lately.

[TazzMission Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close TazzMission]

In light of my earlier statement, Dave does have a point here, although there *are* people out there who can accept you as is and deal with any type of mental disorder you may have. I say this only because I am doing right now what Dave is suggesting. I haven't been on a date in over a year and my dad's table saw is looking better every day lately.

well not just the mental disorder. :sigh: i just have a lot of trust issues stemming from friends past relationships myself as a person. this may sound pathetic but thats why i never go out. anytime i try hanging with people i get this thought like oh are they just being nice or am i going to be used to fight someones battles or is this or that chick going to use me for money again? i think you all will be suprised im the least social guy you would ever know. i mean jesus christ i moved a few months back out on my own got my own pace and i just sit in the dark with blinds closed. i had like two meltdown already

[Jeff Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close Jeff]

well not just the mental disorder. :sigh: i just have a lot of trust issues stemming from friends past relationships myself as a person. this may sound pathetic but thats why i never go out. anytime i try hanging with people i get this thought like oh are they just being nice or am i going to be used to fight someones battles or is this or that chick going to use me for money again? i think you all will be suprised im the least social guy you would ever know. i mean jesus christ i moved a few months back out on my own got my own pace and i just sit in the dark with blinds closed. i had like two meltdown already

Dude, I get it. I totally get it because basically I'm doing the same thing. Outside of work, I stay locked in my room either sleeping or trying to keep my mind occupied with books, the net, and TV. The song "Trapped Under Ice" by Metallica is basically the soundtrack to my life at the moment. I hate being around people in general, and if I need to go out, I make it a real fucking quick trip. My "socialization" consists of being polite to the kids who work at Dunkin' Donuts every morning when I go for coffee. For a lot of people, myself included, this is a sad excuse to live.

[Michael Heide Heide Finition Find all posts View Profile Close Michael Heide]

I think it depends on the woman. If she a) is aware of your problems, b) is a decent human being and c) wants to date you, it might actually help you get over your issues, learning to trust again, having a shoulder to cry on, not to mention all the serotonine flooding your system.
If she doesn't tick off all three of those boxes though, leave her alone.

[Deadpool Fight like a man: with your words, not your fists. Find all posts View Profile Close Deadpool]

Recently I was in a position where I fancied this girl but I was too shy to say anything and she had boyfriends. She never did know how I felt and since I probably won't she her again I might as well have. I kinda regretted not telling her as although it was unlikely anything good would happen, there was a tiny chance that something good could have happened. Plus if I did tell her it wouldn't matter by now if she did reject me because I won't see her again now and if anything, it would have stopped those gay rumours going around about me.

But Tazz you're in a different position to me, the girl you like hasn't got a boyfriend (that you know of but as she's religious it's unlikely she'd lie to you and if she was lying it would only be so she didn't hurt you or something, point it it's unlikely she is lying). So with that aspect you won't have to worry about that. But you are friends with her brother so would that make things awkward. Well wouldn't it be awkward anyway if you were dating her? besides if you did ask her out again and your friend knew then surely he'd be a good friend and let it slide, if not he's not a good friend and you shouldn't waste your time with him.

Another factor however is this. I don't want to sound mean or rude but you've got to ask yourself is she out of your league? And by how much? One again I don't want to sound rude or anything and with her being religious there's a chance she doesn't care about looks anyway but what if she did care a bit.

But at the end of the day I don't really think you have anything to loose, you're not in a school environment or anything so there's not going to be rumours and if there is teasing (which I doubt there will be) it will only be light-hearted from a few friends. Worst case scenario? It becomes awkward between you and the girl you like so you don't see each other again and your friend falls out with you (but if he does that he's not worth wasting time on). Best case scenario? You get into a meaningful relationship and your friend doesn't mind at all, in fact he could be happy for you. Personally I think your result won't be as extreme but this is just weighting up the chances. I'd say you have more to gain than to loose but it's all up to you. But if you do get rejected again don't hassle her or anything because that's a real turn off and you could loose her as a friend as well as possibly her brother, so take it well if she does reject you.

Either way, good luck.

[Mister Ed Horse of a Different Color Find all posts View Profile Close Mister Ed]

i know i will probably get ion faned but i just have no idea what to do. do i persue it or do i just leave it?

I wouldn't worry about getting "IonFanned" over this unless you tell us you are paying her. (Which based on your description sounds BEYOND unlikely.)

[Deadpool Fight like a man: with your words, not your fists. Find all posts View Profile Close Deadpool]

well not just the mental disorder. :sigh: i just have a lot of trust issues stemming from friends past relationships myself as a person. this may sound pathetic but thats why i never go out. anytime i try hanging with people i get this thought like oh are they just being nice or am i going to be used to fight someones battles or is this or that chick going to use me for money again? i think you all will be suprised im the least social guy you would ever know. i mean jesus christ i moved a few months back out on my own got my own pace and i just sit in the dark with blinds closed. i had like two meltdown already

I'm the same with socialising. Funny enough I was just talking to my mother about socialising (not as pathetic as it sounds).

Yeah I never really had much of a social life and that did indeed impact of my failure of a love life. I remember about five or six years ago now I fancied this girl (only for physical reasons though) and I admitted it to a friend. The next day he told her (although I was annoying him) but that affected my trust issues. Eventually after a friend of hers felt sorry for me not having a girlfriend convinced me to ask her out (eventually she asked her out for me as I was too shy) but I was rejected and for good reasons. The second time I liked another girl for physical reasons and I told my best friend as I knew I could trust him but someone else was listening in and by about a day everybody knew. I remember the next lesson that I had her in (science) I felt utterly sick, probably one of the worst hours of my life. From there on out I decided never to confess to anyone that I liked anyone, and I have stuck with that to this day. Whenever anyone was talking about girls that they liked, when they asked me I just said "no one in particular" but I didn't want people to think I was gay or something so I came out with ludicrous answers like "pornstars". This pretty much only made things worse but I couldn't really think. In fact I remember near the end of middle school a group of us were at a computer and I was looking up some porn on the school computers (no one else was in the computer room and the technician left about two years ago so no one monitored the computers plus it was in the last couple of days anyway so it didn't matter. I mainly looked up pictures of women licking women in the happy hole and one of my (distant) friends said "yeah I can tell you're not gay" and he later admitted he thought I was probably going to be gay when I grew up, but after seeing that porn I looked up knew I wasn't. I still have an eccentric and even campish voice to this day, plus I can act quite camp sometimes (mainly for comedic effect) so goodness knows how many people think me gay, but that doesn't matter. Point is that since this "betrayal" from many people around me, I can't tell anyone who I like (with this forum being the exception as I'll probably never meet you). Since the second girl, there have been numerous girl's I've liked, one of them might have even been trying to "get on me" but I could never be 100% sure whether she was just teasing me or being nasty and I just got shy. Then there's the girl in my maths class I've told you about that I've liked for around two years. The thing is that was more serious, and she was a nice person so I doubt she'd be nasty or anything. But because of my past experiences I never did let anyone know even to this day. So now I've left school, I'll never see her again and I could never be with her now. Still not gotten over her really but I've just got to accept I have 0% chance now. So even if there was a 1% chance of me have a relationship with her, that's better than none but my paranoia and past experiences put a stop to that.

I know I sound like I'm rambling about my life, but basically I'm just saying you're not alone buddy, I go through similar stuff. And like DOOM said he just stays indoors these days, I'm exactly the same. So you guys aren't alone with this stuff, I too go through this shit.

[Sylent_Asassin Black Lantern Find all posts View Profile Close Sylent_Asassin]

:sigh: so ok i am kind of crushing on my friends sister good woman very possitive christian easy to talk to. i did ask her out maybe about month in a half ago and i got the dreaded maybe because shes focusing on church and work . fast forward till now im thinking say she says yes and it dosent work do i have to worry about not being friends with her brother now?

i know i will probably get ion faned but i just have no idea what to do. do i persue it or do i just leave it?

My advice is YOLO!!!

First though, I think you should be straight with your friend about your intentions with his sister as you don't want this to ruin your friendship. Good friends are hard to find.

If you genuinely like her, I'd say "go for it" because life isn't short, it's LONG and you don't want to live with regret, however, if you're doing this for a quick romp in the hay, I'd advise against it because you would stand to lose a good girl AND a good friend. Find someone else for a quick, emotionless screw.

[TazzMission Guardian of the Universe Find all posts View Profile Close TazzMission]

My advice is YOLO!!!

First though, I think you should be straight with your friend about your intentions with his sister as you don't want this to ruin your friendship. Good friends are hard to find.

If you genuinely like her, I'd say "go for it" because life isn't short, it's LONG and you don't want to live with regret, however, if you're doing this for a quick romp in the hay, I'd advise against it because you would stand to lose a good girl AND a good friend. Find someone else for a quick, emotionless screw.

honestly the last thing on my mind is sex. im more about the relationship. im pushing 30 this year and i want to simply be with someone for say 3 or 4 years and get married before i hit 35